Thursday, October 28, 2004
The eye doctor
I had to take my dad to the eye doctor today at 8:00am. He made me go with him so I could drive him home if they dilated his pupils. As he was in the back room with the doctor, I waited in the waiting room. About fifteen minutes later this old man came out and sat in the waiting room while he waited for his ride. He took a seat right across from me. I glanced up.
“Hello!” He screamed at me (as if I was the deaf one).
“Hi.” I said as I gave him a warm smile (even though he frightened me a little).
Within two minutes the old man fell fast asleep and started snoring. Eventually, his driver came and startled him awake. He helped the old man up and they started walking toward the door.
“I think I have to use the bathroom.” The old man groaned.I was thinking the poor old man had a weak bladder and he had to take a whiz. But then I heard something. Pfffffffffttt. Pffffffftt. What is that? Pfffffttt. Pffffffffffttttt. Oh my God the old man gots the runs! It was SO loud! Everybody heard it. People in the waiting room exchanged glances and I started to giggle. He was in there FOREVER! He driver started to get impatient and he paced back and forward. Pfffffffttt. Pffffffftttttt. Finally, a flush was heard and the old man waddled out as fast as he could. I think he overflowed the toilet and he didn’t want any one to know it was him. You poor old man, we all know it was you because we heard you! Anyway, they left and then my dad came out. It turns out they didn’t dilate his pupils so he didn’t need a ride home. I could of slept in but then I would of missed the highlight of my day! Tip of the hat to you old man!!
“Hello!” He screamed at me (as if I was the deaf one).
“Hi.” I said as I gave him a warm smile (even though he frightened me a little).
Within two minutes the old man fell fast asleep and started snoring. Eventually, his driver came and startled him awake. He helped the old man up and they started walking toward the door.
“I think I have to use the bathroom.” The old man groaned.I was thinking the poor old man had a weak bladder and he had to take a whiz. But then I heard something. Pfffffffffttt. Pffffffftt. What is that? Pfffffttt. Pffffffffffttttt. Oh my God the old man gots the runs! It was SO loud! Everybody heard it. People in the waiting room exchanged glances and I started to giggle. He was in there FOREVER! He driver started to get impatient and he paced back and forward. Pfffffffttt. Pffffffftttttt. Finally, a flush was heard and the old man waddled out as fast as he could. I think he overflowed the toilet and he didn’t want any one to know it was him. You poor old man, we all know it was you because we heard you! Anyway, they left and then my dad came out. It turns out they didn’t dilate his pupils so he didn’t need a ride home. I could of slept in but then I would of missed the highlight of my day! Tip of the hat to you old man!!
Monday, October 25, 2004
Old people
The other day I went over to my Grandma's apartment complex to hang out. She wanted me to bring her and myself some lunch from Wendy's. I thought, oh hell naw, but I did it anyway. When I got there I parked my car and popped the trunk. I had to get the baseball bat I always keep in my car out. Cautiously I walked toward the complex making sure no one was following me. I got to the front door. I tucked the bag of Wendy's under my arm and lifted the bat ready for attack.
"AHHHHHH!" I screamed as I raced through the lobby to the elevator.
"Wendy's, Wendy's! She's got Wendy's!" The old people chanted as they chased after me. I reached the elevator and pushed the up button frantically. They caught up to me. One after another I knocked the fuckers out. Now, I normally don't beat up old people, but when you bring fast food into a retirement home it is almost necessary for survival.
Whack! Thud! Crack! The sound of the bat ricocheting off the old peoples' heads echoed in the lobby. The elevator opened and there was a little old lady in there. I knocked that bitch out too and then pressed number six. Going up. Once I reached the sixth floor I kicked the old lady in the face just for satisfaction. I stepped out and made my way down the hall to my grandma's apartment. We had a lovely lunch.
"AHHHHHH!" I screamed as I raced through the lobby to the elevator.
"Wendy's, Wendy's! She's got Wendy's!" The old people chanted as they chased after me. I reached the elevator and pushed the up button frantically. They caught up to me. One after another I knocked the fuckers out. Now, I normally don't beat up old people, but when you bring fast food into a retirement home it is almost necessary for survival.
Whack! Thud! Crack! The sound of the bat ricocheting off the old peoples' heads echoed in the lobby. The elevator opened and there was a little old lady in there. I knocked that bitch out too and then pressed number six. Going up. Once I reached the sixth floor I kicked the old lady in the face just for satisfaction. I stepped out and made my way down the hall to my grandma's apartment. We had a lovely lunch.
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Why biscuits?
Well I guess I could start my blog off by talking about the title. Not!! Haha suckers, I’m not going to give away the mystery of my title! Are you crazy? That’s the best part of my blog. Who wants some biscuits? And why? Do giraffes want biscuits? If they’re hungry they will eat biscuits. Well, you guessed wrong because those dirty mother fuckers don’t eat biscuits. They eat little kids. Do some particular people want some biscuits? Are they real biscuits? Who the fuck would write about ‘biscuits’ anyway? I would, bitches! You better believe it!
